How long does it take a guy to decide if he’s “into you” or not?
A couple of weeks?
A couple of dates?
A couple of hours (or bottles of wine)?
When you first meet a guy, you usually have about 60 seconds to make an impression.
That amounts to walking in the room, introducing yourself, and maybe saying a sentence or two. At that point he’s either thinking…“Wow – she’s amazing. I want to get to know her”…
Or…“Ehhh, she’s not really my type.” This is not some sexist thing – everyone, women included, makes these snap judgments based on just a few key moments of your first interaction. This is especially true nowadays thanks to internet dating apps, which have made it ever more likely that you won’t have spoken to a guy first before you meet up with him in person. So here are five things you must know immediately if you want to win a guy over when you meet up with him:
Do you greet him warmly? Do you smile and show you’re excited about the date? Do you seem like someone who has a passionate life? A guy is noticing all these things when you introduce yourself. If you give him a limp-wristed handshake and have a neutral uninterested look, he’ll assume you’re going to be a major downer rather than someone who brings positivity and general good vibes into his world. Guys are praying you’ll be easy to talk to. They are crossing their fingers hoping you’ll have a big smile and a great energy.
That guy you’ve just met is hoping you’ll answer his questions enthusiastically and show you’re the kind of person who is excited about what he’s doing. It sounds like a lot of pressure, but really, this is what everyone should be like who lives with passion.
One thing guys notice very quickly is whether a woman is self-involved or interested in getting to know him better. If you don’t ask any questions or seem like you want to hear more about who he is, it makes him feel distant and he’ll quickly be turned off. It’s easy to fall into a passive mode of answering questions without reciprocating and showing genuine interest in the other person. Watch out for this trap in any interaction. Yes, men are often doing the impressing on a date, but he needs to see that you are intrigued by him as well.
How closed is your body language? Do you tend to hold back from expressing yourself or laughing or giving an opinion? When a guy feels like you’re holding back, he feels like he’s not getting to the more vulnerable part of your personality that reveals your authentic self.
If you have defensive barriers or you get uncomfortable with real conversation, he’ll often interpret this as insecurity, which is a huge turn-off on a first date.
If you want to date a confident guy, it’s crucial to show you are comfortable with being expressive and showing your authentic self.
Women are turned off by sloppy, disheveled appearance and so are men. When he first sees you for a date he’s asking himself: Did she make an effort to look attractive? You don’t have to always show up in the tiny red dress you save for formal dinners, but if you’re rocking up in ill-fitted jeans and a hoodie, no matter how pretty he finds you, he’s going to be asking himself whether you’re someone he could be attracted to long-term.
(FYI – I’m aware that guys are more often the culprits for being bad dressers, but believe me, as a guy who has been on his share of first dates, there are also women who don’t make the effort, and men do notice…)
Sexual confidence is not always easy to define, but it’s very easy to spot when someone doesn’t have it. It’s the quality that makes you stand up and take notice of someone as something other than a friend. It’s the slight glint in your eye or the warm hug when you meet them that makes you aware of their body for half a second. It’s being comfortable with contact, even if it’s a tiny touch on the hand or arm. It may be more accurate here to say physical confidence, but either way, it’s this that really changes you from a potential friend in a guy’s head to someone he thinks about sexually. If you get stuck in the friend zone a lot, or don’t know how to get a guy to kiss you, this is the area to focus on!
Now that you know how to make a guy want you in the first minute, you can nail that important first impression armed with the knowledge of exactly how to push his romantic buttons.