A recent study claimed men never fully move past failed relationships. Two HQ found this as alarming as we did suspect. So we went nosing around for answers of our own. We asked four of our male members, each at different stages of the single/dating life for their outook;
Barry, 51, widowed //Carl, 31, single //Ken, 44, divorced //Brian, 65, single
Hiya lads thanks for agreeing to take part in this little get together. So you’ve all seen and read the study what was your initial reaction to the claims that men don’t recover from a break up as well as women do?
Barry: I think it’s nonsense. Everyone is different and every relationship is different and I know its a scientific study but it does come across as a sweeping claim, we don’t know the circumstances of any of the breakups.
Ken: It says they researched people who were divorced so it’s my assumption that some of these relationships may have included children and speaking from experience that complicates the break up a lot more. Walking away from a failed relationship is one thing but one with children involved makes it incredibly more stressful and difficult to just ‘get over’.
The study also says women show more signs of extroverted behaviour after a break up, have you any personal experience of this?
Carl:Well my ex-girlfriend was out every weekend after we broke up. We have a lot of mutual friends so I always knew what she was up to even though I’d of rathered not know. She changed her hair too and joined a gym. To be honest I was doing much of the same, it was just an effort to keep busy and keep my mind off the breakup so I don’t particularly view it as being extroverted.
Brian: I’ve been single a long while and I have to say I agree with everything the article said. I was in a relationship for 15 years with a wonderful woman. She wanted to be married but I couldn’t quite convince myself that was what I wanted too. When it ended I thought I handled it well, I told myself we wanted different things. When she moved on and found love and happiness with someone else it really hit home that I’d messed up my shot with her. It’s been six years and I’m happily dating and I feel content but I do realise that I’m looking for something now that I could have had with her then. In that sense it is tough.
You said you felt you coped well with the breakup Brian and Carl you mentioned joining a gym as a way to distract yourself, what other ways can men cope with a breakup?
Carl: It’s probably still a little taboo to some but I found that talking to my sisters about it helped me get my head around it. There’s so many emotions and you sort of have to take them out of your head to give yourself some space to think clearly.
Ken: I agree. I know most men still would avoid talking, but if you feel awkward talking to another man I would advise a female friend like Carl said, women are so used to talking its easier to start the chat with them.
Barry: I think actually that’s one of the things I struggled to get over most when my wife died, for years she had been my go to person, my best friend. I really floundered without that and I think that’s probably where men are struggling and women better able to cope, we lack that support network that women build around themselves.
and so for the burning question? Are you over your past relationship?
Ken: YES! (laughing)
Carl: Yep, wouldn’t be back dating if I was still hung up on someone else.
Barry: I will always love my wife, but she would want me to be happy and I am ready to be happy again too.
Brian: Yes, it took a while but getting over her made me more emotionally mature and more in-tune with what I want. I’m more ready for a relationship now than ever before!