Like many others at the beginning of a new year, here at Two’s Company, we’ve been doing some reflecting. On life in general, and of course, on love. Every year, we meet thousands and thousands of people who are seeking their perfect partner, and one of the most important points of this process for us is figuring out if that person is really ready to love.
So, below are some signs the signs, attitudes, beliefs and behaviors that reveal someone loves himself or herself enough to sustain a relationship. And once you read their relationship advice, the point is not that you need to fulfill all the points on this list (no one is that perfect!), but that you can use this list to inspire you and the ones you love to increase love from the place where it starts — within.
1. You’re comfortable in your own skin.
Embracing yourself inside and out is a sign you’re reading to fully embrace another.
2. You complete yourself.
You know you’re ready for a relationship when you don’t need a relationship to feel happy and worthy, when you want a relationship to share your love rather than to get love, when loving yourself and sharing your love is more important to you than having control over getting love. When you want a relationship to deepen your growth rather than to fill your emptiness, you are ready.
3. You won’t settle for conditional love.
Men and women are ready for love when they realize they deserve to receive unconditional love from a partner.
4. There’s nothing “wrong” with you.
The only person who can complete you is… you. The way to do that is to realize that there is nothing wrong with you; you are not broken, you don’t need to be fixed. The truth of love is found in self-acceptance, and in shining the light of love on those dark places inside of us.
5. You don’t seek constant distraction.
You’re not afraid to be alone — and in silence, even. You like spending time alone and don’t need the television to be on or the phone to be glued to your head. You can be with just yourself.
6. You’re not waiting for someone else to “save” you.
One is ready to manifest healthy, lasting love when they truly abandon the wish that another can “save” or “heal” them. Self-acceptance and self-love are markers that one is fully ready for intimacy.
This state of being allows one to be open to both giving and receiving love in a pure, authentic way — unburdened by notions of healing wounds from the past.
7. You honor your bigger “self.”
When you understand who you are — as a human, in relation to God or your spirituality — and when you are able to consider the “other” without compromising or obsessing about “me,” you are setting yourself up to live a healthy, beautiful relationship.
8. You’ve tossed your list.
People are ready for love when they don’t have a rigid set of expectations and a laundry list of must-haves and deal breakers. They simply want to find someone wonderful to love and share their life with.
9. You’re OK being single.
If you can say “I am OK without a relationship,” then you’re ready for one! You’re OK being single — not in a resigned or defeated way. It’s more about one have a deep knowing of who you are, your purpose and that while you desire love, you won’t allow yourself to be miserable while you’re single.
10. You accept change and are ready to grow.
You are “ready” for love when you accept yourself for who you are, right now, today, but are still committed to exploring the yet undiscovered growth of yourself individually and in a relationship.
11. A relationship is a want, not a need.
Someone is ready for love when they want it but don’t need it. That’s the absolute best place to be: wanting a relationship, believing it would be great, but not needing it for your happiness. Being truly happy without it is often the fastest way to bring it about.
12. You smile a lot.
Notice the next time you see your reflection. No matter what you might be wearing or if it is a good hair day or not, is the reflection you catch a glimpse of is one that makes you smile?
When you catch yourself smiling more than making comments, excuses, or judgment, then you know you accept yourself unconditionally — and are ready to do the same for another, too.
13. You own your energy.
You know that you’re a vibrational match for your real-deal Beloved when you move through your day with access to your own orgasmic energy, whether or not you have a partner. You are sourcing it from within.
14. You’re over your last relationship.
Look for signs that anger and resentment are gone and that they have forgiven not only their ex-partner, but themselves. To be angry at yourself is a clear sign that you are not ready to move forward.
If you cannot accept where you are and who you are right now, then it’s time to make a change. You will know that you are ready to go out there and date again when you have given up your “story” and can think about your ex with neutrality, compassion, and understanding.
15. You’re willing to take a risk.
A person who is ready for true intimacy is aware of the risks and uncertainty that comes with falling in love. She knows that the relationship will grow and evolve to something wonderful — or it won’t.
Either way, this person understands she will be better for it since the love and support she has for herself will always be there.
16. You have empathy.
One quality I work hard to promote in patients looking to find and/or sustain a loving relationship is empathy. Once a person can see beyond her desires and needs to what it will take to make her partner happy, she is well on her way to going from “me” to “we.”
17. You’re self-confident.
Self-confidence is the key to knowing that you’re ready for love (it’s also the most powerful aphrodisiac). When you take pride in yourself and you are clear about your own worth — that is when you’ll be able to attract someone who honors you and himself in a healthy relationship.
18. You feel whole.
If you are looking for your partner to fill an emptiness within yourself, you will always remain unsatisfied. True love is all about accepting both your partner and yourself wholeheartedly. Dating is about finding your complimentary match, not your other half.
19. You’re open-minded.
You know you’re ready when you can go off your dating script and discovering a romantic interest as though you were visiting an exotic country for the first time. Throw away your checklist, let yourself be in the moment and open up to the joys and challenges a relationship brings.
20. Fear doesn’t own you.
One sign that tells us you are ready for love is when you show courage. When you are open to taking emotional risk, including accepting personal responsibility, love is in your future.